Dear Baby Girl...

We decided 10 years ago that we were ready to meet you.  We’ve waited patiently… and impatiently… and now there are only about 5 weeks left until we see your beautiful face. The mixture of joy, love, trepidation, and anticipation is overwhelming at times. Our hearts are going to burst. We can only pray we do right by you, our beautiful precious child.

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The Blessing that is "Thank You"

Yesterday at work a co-worker quickly stuck his head in my office and said, “Thank you.” I laughed and said, “what for, I’m just sitting here.” He reiterated “just thank you.” In the back of my mind, I had an idea of what I had done to warrant his kind affirmation but he refused to clarify for my curiosity what it was. It got me thinking, though, about how we interact with the people in our life, and how we often take people, their kindness, gifts, and abilities for granted. 

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Escaping the Wilderness

A few months ago I wrote a blog but I didn’t publish it. Then about a month later I revised it and added to it but still didn’t publish it. I couldn’t bring myself to putting my heart out there for all to read. But yesterday, I had four people touch my large pregnant belly, and one person asked if me I ever thought I would be in this place… in my third trimester… less than three months away from giving birth to my baby… after years of trying to build our family.

That’s a story I will tell one day, but it has been a slow process to work through my experiences and emotions. Also it’s been a roller coaster the past 5-10 years, and the final turn is still up on the horizon. The ending is still not written yet, but with God’s will soon enough… soon enough…   

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An Epilogue

Today I did something I never thought I would do… I posted our pregnancy announcement on Facebook. 

For years, I cringed anytime I saw a pregnancy announcement. Anytime I saw a sonogram. Anytime I saw a baby bump. Anytime a woman was ecstatic with joy for getting pregnant after trying for less than a year without any intervention. I was jealous, bitter, angry and just plain annoyed. 

So I want to take this opportunity to speak to all the women and men who have gone through the same struggles as Rich and I have.

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We Believe in Miracles

It’s been a long while since I've written about our journey towards parenthood. 

The last update on our adoption fundraising site was over two months ago. We had just finished our final home study visit. There wasn’t much to do after that point but wait. Now that spring is here there have been some developments in our story we’d like to share.

We have some good news… and bad news… and good news… so let’s just dive right in. 

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Remembering Kurt Cobain and Nirvana

20 years ago this week Kurt Cobain passed away from a self-inflicted gunshot wound. I remember the day I found out, after they found his body (April 8, 1994). It was a sunny day my freshman year of high school, and I was riding home on the school bus. I knew who Kurt was and I liked some of Nirvana’s songs, but I hadn’t dove deep into their music yet. Still, I felt sad. He was so young, 27 years old, the same age as Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin and Jim Morrison when they died. All three were big musical influences in my household at the time, especially Hendrix and the Doors. As a young teenager, I thought it was a sign that he died at the same age, and he must be as influential and talented as those other musicians now long gone. That same summer my brother, Gregory, graduated from high school and I remember Nevermind playing at his party. I was slowly but surely leaning into this music I hadn't heard much of before and was enjoying it. That I would latch onto rock music shouldn’t have come as a surprise to anyone who knows me.

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The Unknown Road

I haven’t written in a very long time. Since New Years, life has sort of just been "happening." Floating along, I’ve felt unsure of what’s going to happen next. I’ve been dealing with life one day at a time. Physically I’ve not been feeling like myself, often under the weather. Emotionally I’ve been dealing with a little bit of depression. Socially I’ve felt isolated. I didn’t make it to work today so my husband told me to write… 4:30 in the afternoon and this poem is what came to me. I don’t know if it’s “good” or not, but I think it’s true to where my mind’s been lately. The journey is eternal. Life just is. Even as we set goals and hope we reach them, sometimes we’re just walking because that’s what we do. We just deal with what comes along as it comes along. And that’s ok.

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A Vocal Celebration of Eddie Vedder

Happy 49th birthday to Eddie Vedder, lead singer of Pearl Jam. I'm a little obsessed so I thought I would celebrate today by describing some of my favorite vocal performances by this talented man. Thank you all for indulging me, and thank you, Eddie, for being born and allowing me the pleasure of enjoying your beautiful voice.

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